Collateral damage of domestic violence

They may not take the blow or be the target of the yelling and
screaming, but research shows that children who grow up around
domestic violence suffer from trauma that often results in social,
emotional and behavioral problems.
The YWCA of Sonoma County offers protection and support to
victims of domestic violence with a safe house, a 24-hour victim’s
hotline, therapy—and a special preschool designed for children
suffering from symptoms and issues resulting from exposure to
domestic abuse. A Special Place Preschool provides a special
curriculum to these children and is housed next door to the
organization’s children’s therapy cottage, providing a one-stop
location for kids in need.
“We run one of only three therapeutic preschools in the entire
state,” said Denise Frey, the Executive Director and CEO of YWCA of
Sonoma County. “Our preschool is focused on children who are
referred through our own safe house and Child Protective Services.
We bring kids in at 3 years of age, and they can stay with us until
they’re 5. Not only will they receive a quality preschool
experience, but they’ll also receive therapeutic services.”
Frey said the organization opened its preschool in response to
studies that showed that children who grow up around domestic
violence often, themselves, become abusers or victims.
Children who witness domestic abuse and violence in the home can
experience a myriad of problems throughout their childhood and
adult lives, according to the United States Department of Health
and Human Services’ Administration for Children and Families.
Studies have linked domestic abuse to many behavioral, social
and emotional problems including aggression, anger, hostility,
fear, withdrawal, depression, and poor self-esteem and social
relationships. Children exposed to domestic violence often perform
poorly at school, lack conflict resolution skills and respond to
situations with pro-violence attitudes.
Adults who grew up around domestic violence show higher levels
of depression and increased tolerance—and use—of violence in adult
relationships.
To treat these issues, A Special Place Preschool offers a
specialized curriculum rich in social and emotional development.
The preschool’s staff teaches sharing and other social skills
daily, providing children suffering from trauma with the skills
they’ll need in kindergarten and later in life.
“Other preschools don’t focus, as much, on social and emotional
curriculum,” said preschool director Briah Gere. “We fold in these
skills, like sharing and sitting still, into kindergarten
readiness.”
Gere used the example of a dinosaur activity. In most
preschools, students cut out pictures of dinosaurs and glue them to
the display board. “In regular preschools, students will have their
own magazine, their own bottle of glue, their own scissors,” she
said. “Here they are share on magazine, one bottle of blue and one
pair of scissors. We focus on the sharing.”
Gere explained that the children aren’t opting not to share; in
many cases, the skill of sharing has not yet been learned. “We
teach lots of replacement behaviors,” she said. “We don’t know what
we don’t know until we know it.”
Sharing is just one example of many. In another scenario, a
child may take a book from another child without permission. The
child who loses the book may draw upon experiences witnessed at
home when a parent retaliates with aggression. The child may then
respond similarly with the child who has taken his or her book.
“When we recognize that the children are feeling a certain way,
we label that behavior and talk about solutions,” said Gere. “We
talk about alternative behaviors instead of what they already know,
like hitting.”
This approach changes the way discipline and punishment is used.
The preschool uses “time ins” instead of “time outs,” focusing on
what a child who hits or takes can do to improve the situation. “We
want the child to think about what they can do to make their friend
feel better,” said Gere.
Gere said that 85% of the children at the preschool are also
treated in the therapy cottage next door. There they meet with
interns, many who have graduated with master’s degrees in
psychology and are completing the 3,000 hours necessary to earn
Marriage and Family Therapist, or MFT, certificates.
“We have interns trained specifically for our safe house and
residential program, and interns trained in childhood trauma,” said
Diane di Grazia, the clinical therapy program manager with YWCA of
Sonoma County and a licensed MFT.
“The children who are referred to us in therapy are at-risk
children,” she said. “The majority of them have a multitude of
problems going on and the trauma related to domestic violence is
one of them. What happens in children who have these types of
trauma is they often miss their developmental milestones. In other
words, they’re preoccupied with the trauma.”
Children who come to therapy often suffer from anxiety, sleep
disruptions, and bad dreams. Some have missed potty training or are
behind in verbal development. Therapists help identify these issues
and help the child’s development. They teach coping and
self-soothing skills, tools the child can use at home and at
school.
“We provide a safe, therapeutic environment for the children to
be able to identify their feelings and express them,” said di
Grazia. “The intervention is really, really critical. These
children are in a really important time. Their brains are still
developing.”
Therapists face difficult challenges. First, they must get
permission to treat the child, either through parent approval or
government mandate. If one parent isn’t ready to allow his or her
child to tell a therapist about problems at home, the child may not
get the therapy they need.
Therapists may also treat a child who continues to see abuse at
home, ongoing trauma that will hinder recovery. “For a lot of these
children, it’s really about symptom reduction,” said di Grazia.
“Until we get the parents onboard the family out of the cycle of
violence it’s a challenge.”
Therapists tailor treatment depending on the child’s needs and
situation. “We don’t do a one-size-fits-all,” she said. “We see
them as long as it takes to see significant improvement for their
level of functioning.”
Frey speaks with pride on the preschool and children’s therapy
program, and the difference her employees and volunteers make in
the lives of little ones. “We’re very proud of it and we have about
30 kids at any given time,” she said. “We’re equipping these
children with the tools they’ll need to function. We really feel
compelled to intervene as early as possible in a child’s life to
address the trauma.”