Dear Healdsburg Community
(especially you high school students!),
I am the father of an HHS 2025 graduate. I was recently punched in the gut by a teachable moment. Please hear my appeal.
I wish to communicate to anyone reading these words how NOT making good choices can have dreadful and painful consequences.
On “Senior Prank Day” at HHS (June 2) my graduate decided that snatching up a piece of car chalk and writing vulgar, insulting and offensive words on an underclassman’s car was a good idea.
My child’s decision is a perfect example of NOT making a good choice.
My child’s mother and I were promptly notified by HHS Principal Tait Danhausen that our child would not be allowed to walk for the graduation ceremony as a consequence of their actions. Walking for graduation is a privilege that signifies a major milestone in any child’s life. Needless to say, friends, family members and community members who know my child were devastated and mortified by the horrible choice my child made.
Mr. Danhausen informed us of the appeals process (that could reverse his decision) and encouraged us to proceed with an appeal.
HHS Director of Student Support Services Kevin Bean scheduled an appointment with us and politely and earnestly listened to our appeals.
I’d like to emphasize here that Tait Danhausen and Superintendent Vanden Heuvel did not have to reverse their decision. Walking for graduation is a privilege, which can be revoked by the school if a senior makes a bad choice during the final week of their senior year.
Mr. Bean contacted Superintendent Vanden Heuvel after our meeting. Mr. Vanden Heuvel and Principal Danhausen reviewed the findings, and our appeals. They both agreed to allow our child to walk for the graduation ceremony on the condition that our child pay serious consequences. Her mother and I were in full support of the consequences and added a few of our own.
As the father of a young adult who made a bad decision, I’ve given this incident a considerable amount of thought. It’s tempting and convenient to lay blame at the feet of others and excuse away my child’s bad decision. This would be blinding oneself to the larger picture and missing an opportunity to learn from my shortcomings as a father. The painful and vexing questions for me as a father are …
“Why did my child think this decision was OK?”
“Where have I fallen short as a father?”
“How can my child be better?”
“How can I be better?”
If I could undo the hurtful and vulgar words written on the underclassman’s car I would. I’ve lost count over the years how many times I’ve told my child, as they left the house …
“Make good choices.”
“Be a good friend.”
“Compliment someone today.”
Clearly these pleas were not enough. Rest assured I will do better as a father. God willing my child will follow suit.
—Todd Clow
As this student’s school counselor, I’ve had the privilege of watching them grow and navigate the complicated journey of adolescence. What happened on “Senior Prank Day” was deeply disappointing and caused real harm—there’s no denying that. But I want to acknowledge something else just as important: the courage and integrity it took for this student’s father, Mr. Clow, to share such a raw and honest reflection with our community.
Too often, we see families retreat in the face of discipline or controversy. Mr. Clow instead chose to step forward, not to excuse the behavior, but to reflect on it, confront it, and model what it means to take ownership and grow. That, too, is a teachable moment.
Mistakes, especially in our teenage years, do not define us. How we respond to them does. This student faced serious consequences and a great deal of public accountability. And yet, they showed remorse, took responsibility, and accepted the gravity of their actions. The family did not ask to be let off the hook. They asked to be heard, to be held accountable, and to be given the chance to make things right.
As educators, we strive to nurture academic achievement, but also character, compassion, and growth. Sometimes, the most meaningful lessons are not taught in classrooms, but in hard moments like this one.
I also want to acknowledge that not every student or family has the ability—or the access—to be heard in the same way. Over the years, I’ve witnessed students from more privileged backgrounds walk at graduation despite serious infractions, while others—often from historically marginalized communities—face harsher scrutiny with fewer avenues for advocacy. That disparity is real. And while I’ve seen a genuine effort in recent years to do better, if we’re truly committed to equity, we must continue to confront these patterns with honesty, humility, and an ongoing willingness to grow.
We’re all still learning—educators, families, and systems alike. I hope this letter serves as a powerful reminder of both personal accountability and the broader work still needed to ensure fairness for all our students.
To Mr. Clow and the family: Thank you for reminding us that parenting—and growing up—is messy and hard, but always worth the effort. Your vulnerability and commitment to doing better speak volumes. I believe your student has learned from this. I know I have.
—Mr. Ever Flores
School Counselor, Healdsburg High School
Perhaps if the school and the parents taught their children that private property is the basis of liberty, these “pranks”, attacks on another’s private property, would stop.