Dear Healdsburg Community
(especially you high school students!),
I am the father of an HHS 2025 graduate. I was recently punched in the gut by a teachable moment. Please hear my appeal.
I wish to communicate to anyone reading these words how NOT making good choices can have dreadful and painful consequences.
On “Senior Prank Day” at HHS (June 2) my graduate decided that snatching up a piece of car chalk and writing vulgar, insulting and offensive words on an underclassman’s car was a good idea.
My child’s decision is a perfect example of NOT making a good choice.
My child’s mother and I were promptly notified by HHS Principal Tait Danhausen that our child would not be allowed to walk for the graduation ceremony as a consequence of their actions. Walking for graduation is a privilege that signifies a major milestone in any child’s life. Needless to say, friends, family members and community members who know my child were devastated and mortified by the horrible choice my child made.
Mr. Danhausen informed us of the appeals process (that could reverse his decision) and encouraged us to proceed with an appeal.
HHS Director of Student Support Services Kevin Bean scheduled an appointment with us and politely and earnestly listened to our appeals.
I’d like to emphasize here that Tait Danhausen and Superintendent Vanden Heuvel did not have to reverse their decision. Walking for graduation is a privilege, which can be revoked by the school if a senior makes a bad choice during the final week of their senior year.
Mr. Bean contacted Superintendent Vanden Heuvel after our meeting. Mr. Vanden Heuvel and Principal Danhausen reviewed the findings, and our appeals. They both agreed to allow our child to walk for the graduation ceremony on the condition that our child pay serious consequences. Her mother and I were in full support of the consequences and added a few of our own.
As the father of a young adult who made a bad decision, I’ve given this incident a considerable amount of thought. It’s tempting and convenient to lay blame at the feet of others and excuse away my child’s bad decision. This would be blinding oneself to the larger picture and missing an opportunity to learn from my shortcomings as a father. The painful and vexing questions for me as a father are …
“Why did my child think this decision was OK?”
“Where have I fallen short as a father?”
“How can my child be better?”
“How can I be better?”
If I could undo the hurtful and vulgar words written on the underclassman’s car I would. I’ve lost count over the years how many times I’ve told my child, as they left the house …
“Make good choices.”
“Be a good friend.”
“Compliment someone today.”
Clearly these pleas were not enough. Rest assured I will do better as a father. God willing my child will follow suit.
—Todd Clow
